The Song of the Heart

Post from Matt
July 9th and 10th 2011

Now that my trips up to the hospital are becoming part of my daily routine, I am trying to figure out how to make each visit with Mom a little different. Tonight I tried singing. For those of you that know me, I try to "musically partake of life," as stated in a special blessing I received as a teenager. Music has healed my soul several times and I know that the right kind of music can do the same for others. It is amazing how music seems to touch the soul where words cannot.

Saturday night Tony, Jeff, Aurora, and I were with Mom. We were about to leave, but I asked Mom if we could sing a song to her -- she nodded yes. I asked if we could sing "Abide With Me; 'tis Eventide." Tony said he would, "sit this one out," because he thinks he can't sing, so Aurora (the newest addition to our family), Jeff, and I began. The lights in the room were low, the door was closed, and we as a family were circled around our mom.

The words came alive more than any other time I have sung this hymn. The first verse says good-bye to the day and welcomes the night. I am sure Mom was very tired from various tests and visitors and yearned for several hours of rest. As the chorus began, I realized that it was more like a prayer. "O Savior, stay this night with me; behold, 'tis eventide." I have found myself saying the same thing in prayers for my Mom. The second verse -- "Thy walk today with me has made my heart within me burn as I communed with thee. Thy earnest words have filled my soul and kept me near thy side." I know that my Heavenly Father has sent His angels to be round about Mom. I know that some of those angels include Grandpa Hale who passed away almost seven years ago. As the hymn continued, the spirit filled the room and the machines, hospital staff, and tubes disappeared. It was like we were in Mom's living room. Mom listened with her eyes closed until we sang the last note. It was a little easier saying good-bye that night knowing that the spirit was in the room to take care of her.

Sunday night on my way in the front door of the hospital I was greeted from behind by all of my double cousins. Because our dads are brothers and our moms are sisters (don't think about it too much -- it is legal) we have been close since we were born. It was great to see all of them walking towards me. It was like a flood of love and support. The nurse allowed all of us to be in the room together along with Brad and Rondi, some dear friends of my family since we were little. Mom didn't respond very much as we asked some questions or when the nurse asked her to move her toes. I have seen the nurses perform these simple tests several times and each time Mom's performance is different. She can say her name, the US President, sometimes the year, she will usually squeeze her hands on command, sometimes wiggling her toes doesn't happen, but she has never been able to tell the nurse where she is. Maybe she is just trying to block that out...

During our visit, Mom could of course say my name (because I am still the favorite), but she then called everyone else in the room by my name as well. Not the greatest thing, but she'll get there. During our conversation Rondi suggested that we sing a song together. As we started the primary song, "Love is Spoken Here," Mom started to mouth every word right along with us. We were all surprised. Up to this day she has only said one to three word answers -- never a full sentence. I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. Voices fell out due to emotion, but Mom kept right up with the song. Yet another tender mercy from above. The words came alive as I, my mom's 32 year-old son sat at the foot of her bed singing words like, "I see my mother kneeling with our family each day...her plea to the Father, quiets all my fears...and I am grateful, love is spoken here." Love was spoken there in that quiet hospital room. Love has been spoken so many times in my life through my mom. The love she has shown her sons everyday of our lives have made us into the men we are today. She IS love and I am grateful for her.

Love you Mom. Keep fighting.